Longing
by Peter Simons
Summary: This Vignette re-tells the first scene from the episode »The Council«. The one, where T'Pol storms out of Sickbay when Trip comes in. It's written from her point-of-view.


**Longing**

**Summary:** This Vignette re-tells the first scene from the episode »_The Council_«. The one, where T'Pol storms out of Sickbay when Trip comes in. It's written from her point-of-view.

**Author's Note:** This story is dedicated to Kristy.

-------- 

Phlox was as cheerful as ever while he ran his hand-scanner around T'Pol's head and neck from a short distance.

»I am not detecting any Trellium-D in your system.« He let out a short, happy laugh at the good news. »How are you feeling?«

»The emotions are still difficult to control.«

»Meditation isn't helping?«

»Somewhat. But I am still experiencing frequen—«

And then he entered.

-------- 

T'Pol's eyes were glued to him the second the door opened. She had become hyper-sensitive to his presence, she had realized it was Charles instantaneously. The thought had commanded her to turn around, to face him, to look at him. And for a miniscule fraction of a tenths of a second, she had smiled.

And that instant her world exploded into shatters. Her control was gone. Panic rippled through T'Pol, she pressed her eyes shut and froze on the spot. She had no more capacity for controlling her body, she fought the battle of her life. The emotions awoke with force. They washed over her, they rendered her helpless. She had no choice but to face them, she could do nothing but to give in to them and try to survive it somehow.

She gave in to the smell. It stirred something inside her, it emanated through her and caused her to shiver. The air was cold around her. T'Pol tried to recognize the emotions, to identify them, to understand and explain them. Then she could file them away and control them. She understood, that females of her species had a heightened sense of smell for a reason, she knew she had become attuned to him. She could smell him with intensity. Smelling Charles was something that needed to be done actively for T'Pol, the emotions it triggered had become so powerful, they demanded energy and focus to be overcome. When Charles was in the room, a significant amount of her focus was always on him, just so she could deal with the wonderful smell.

She felt her skin react to his smell. She knew, the human's body produced pheremons, which were designed to affect her brain. And they did. They sent off fireworks. Objects around her just exploded into colors, then sparks rained down on her skin, through her clothing they hit her skin and inflamed it. Her primal nature took over. She understood the process. She was drawn to him. His pheremons reduced her to flesh, they inflamed her with passion.

With every fiber of her powerful mind T'Pol forced her thoughts into order. She analyzed the emotions and understood them. Now she controlled them.

And her rage took over. She had worked so hard! She had spent so much energy, she had devoted so much strength to finding order, to controlling her primal desires! And then he entered the room and it was all gone. He produced those horrible pheremons and saved them all day, and then he released them in her presence, he assaulted her control with them. Why did he do that! Did he find pleasure in seeing her suffer? Was he cruel? Was he trying to hurt her on purpose? Was he TAUNTING her?

T'Pol pulled herself together. She knew he had no control over his primal reactions either. And then she longed for him! His pheremons were for her only, they meant he desired her; they meant, he was also feeling emotions when she was in his presence. He cared for her. He was attracted to her. He had admitted it!

Why shouldn't she just give in? She opened her eyes once more, but closed them again, right away. It was impossible! She had to be near him! It was so simple, she would just tell him everything, she would tell him how she felt, she would admit to her emotions, she would trust him. And he would understand her and help her and care for her and all would be good!

She needed him, she needed his comfort. She was alone, isolated, wounded, and terrified. She had no idea how to handle her emotions, they frightened her. She longed to find shelter in his arms, she longed to be weak, all she wanted was to give in to those emotions!

T'Pol breathed deeply and tried to relax her body. She understood her emotions. She was stronger than them. She calmed her mind, she found peace.

At last, she faced her powerful capacity for imagination.

-------- 

»Will you marry me, Charles?«

»No, T'Pol. That is not appropriate, I am human, and in our cust—«

»You will NOT marry me?«

»No, … — I mean, yes! What I meant is, that I am supposed to ask you to marry me, not the other way round.«

»Charles, will you please _answer my question_?«

»T'Pol, it is customary for the man to ask the women to marry him. I was brought up that way, it is important to me.«

»Why is it important who asks whom to marry him or her?«

»By asking you to marry me, I can show my appreciation for you. I can express my desire to marry you.«

»So can I.«

»Right. But it's custom that the man does it.«

»Not on Vulcan.«

»On Earth it is.«

»You believe, your heritage is more important than mine?«

»That's not what I said, T'Pol.«

»You said that your custom took precedence.«

»Look, I am sorry. My point is, _I_ would like to ask _you_ to marry me. It is something I have looked forward to for a long time, you know?«

»Fine. Go ahead.«

»Uh … Right now?«

»You said, you have been looking forward to doing it. Please, indulge your desire.«

»Right.«

Trip swallowed hard.

»Listen, T'Pol. You have, uh, become very important to me, and I realized … — T'Pol, I cannot do it when you look at me like that!«

»How do I look at you?«

»You look like … your face is a mask, T'Pol.«

»Would you prefer another face?«

»I am sorry, T'Pol. I shouldn't hav—«

»Why don't you proceed with the proposal?«

»Right.«

It was a nightmare! He should have simply said _yes_, and all would have been good, but no! He couldn't keep his bloody mouth shut. Damn it.

»I love you, T'Pol. Will you marry me?«

»I am no longer convinced this is appropriate.«

»You are kidding?«

»I will need time to consider your question. You will have my answer in 24 hours, Commander.«

-------- 

But she knew she was bluffing. Her body was covered with itches, she longed for Charles with physical menace, all she wanted was to be his, to be with him. She would last 5 minutes of keeping-him-waiting, at most. She had no more control over herself any longer, she would throw herself into his arms and shower his face with kisses, she would press against him, touch him, feel his warmth, smell his scent, share his breath …

T'Pol opened her eyes again and there he stood. He stood right before her, only meters away. And he was real.

A terrible shock rippled through her, she pulled herself together, and hurried towards the door. All she could think about was him, she had to escape, she had to get away!

»You are okay?«

»Just a mild headache.«

She couldn't look at him while answering his question. She kept her eyes straight at the door. Her goal.

»I thought Vulcans didn't get headaches?«

T'Pol stopped dead in her tracks. Once more her emotions broke through, they forced her to turn around. Her mind battled for control, she had to LEAVE, but she slowly turned around and looked at him. She couldn't help herself, her mouth opened to speak. Her emotions screamed at her: »_Tell him! Tell him EVERYTHING!_«

»I am needed in the command center.«

She forced herself to go. She stormed out of the room before anyone had a chance to say anything further. Her hands began to shake the moment the doors had closed behind her.

THE END 


End file.
